Back from the Dead... *Shuffle*

Okay, madcap Bonkers fans, nobody, that's nobody, responded with surprise, shock or even the smallest hint of concern towards my down-and-out ramblings on April the 1st... probably, and rightly so, because it was before midday on April 1st. Not the most successful April Fool's scheme ever, was it?

Well, I'm therefore back from the brink of death surprisingly bouncy and full of cheer (cheer!), ready to get this work finished so I can actually have a holiday. And what a holiday it's shaping up to be! I've just got the excellently grim and atmospheric Doom on DVD, starring none other than The "Can You Smell What I'm Cooking? It's Some Ass-Whuppin' Gunplay and Hand-to-Hand Combat" Rock. Looking forward to that one, especially the special features which look set to examine the original Doom game in detail and explore how the filmmakers went about transfering that to the silver screen... always a bonus! Mum's got afternoons and weekends off, meaning lots of time for chatting, catching up on great telly (like Season 5 of 24 was going to be rubbish, it's perfect in every single way) and, this coming Sunday, meeting up with The "Can You Smell What I'm Cooking? It's Some Creepy New Lifeform Living in My Dreadlocks" Matt for a Sunday dinner! Then soon afterwards, Newcastle, then Saltburn, for sun (yeah, right), sea (more like liquid nitrogen), and sand (apart from take the sand away and replace it with rocks and seaweed)!

I haven't spoken about politics in a while, have I? Probably because it's all so predictable and dull these days... although much excitement today as the Serious Organised Crime Agency (S.O.C.A., or alternatively, F.B.I. U.K.) has been launched with thousands of undercover agents getting ready to battle the drug-pushers, identity-fraudsters and human-traffickers of these British Isles. Typically, His Tonyness has used it as an opportunity to grip and grin with as many important policemen and ex-spies as possible and once again rant on about how much he loves the next Labour leader, Gordon Brown. And typically, a really sexy and exciting crimefighting outfit has been given a silly name because we're British: "Serious" Organised Crime Agency? Why the "Serious"? Oh, it's a government buzzword, I've just heard His Tonyness saying it twenty times in a five minute speech... clears that up, then. But still, come on! Think about it: the reason all good films and television shows revolve around American agencies such as the F.B.I., C.I.A., N.S.A. and C.T.U. is because they've all got super-cool, sexy, dangerous names! Imagine if Jack Bauer had to kick down a door and yell "S.O.C.A., let me see your hands!" or "I'm Serious, grrr!"

Does not bode well, Mr. Blair. You want to raise Britain's international profile and make us a big player in cultural exchanges? Make sure all our crime-based television shows can have something cool to shout at running people in the street without having to make it all up! Then again, if I were in charge... "Intergalactic Death Squad XIV, drop your weapon!"

Peace out, ladies and mentalmen.