A Grand Day Out

So, madcap Bonkers fans, yesterday was the day when Mum and I met up with Brother Matt halfway between here and the West Country (oo ar indeed)! And what a nice day it was too. Now read on...

Mum drove like a legend for an hour and a half to get to the small rural village we had agreed to meet Matt in. Stuck behind an old boy who refused to go faster than 30mph for fear of travelling through time or losing any more hair than he already had (chance would be a fine thing), Mum said "Oh, can't be doing with this!" and yanked the steering wheel in order to screech around him and overtake... Mum? You never used to drive like this! Remember, I haven't been in a car since Christmas, what's going on? Then, of course, we left the main road and hit the winding country paths. A sign passed us saying Warning! Hidden Dip! "Is it houmous?" I asked, causing much laughter. I think I've rediscovered my comedy groove. More on that later.

We met with Matt after a small tour of the village, and he provided me with a dark and gothic graphic novel (which has been started already) in exchange for a DVD from Mum to play on his new multimedia toy. Then we went in search of food! I was in Matt's car, a frightening experience next to Mum's otherwise sedate overtaking! The famous 'sports mode' was used more than once, mainly to smash over already-deceased roadkill and spray blood and feathers at Mum, who drove behind. At one point, the rain was heavy enough so Matt and I backed into Mum on a small country lane... whoops indeed! We'd already grounded the car twice, so what could have been worse? Of course, in great family tradition, there was no "Oh my goodness, what a tragedy, I've hit Mum!" melodrama. No, instead it was hysterical giggles and the occasional "Oh bum!", which, unexpectedly, rhymes with "Mum" and drew more laughter. And since when was I the outlandish one when it came to grand schemes? We passed some cows and I told Matt to honk his horn at them, which he initially refused in shock. It was only because Mum had skidded out of control in a pothole that we had time to kill, so slowing down and honking at cows it was (and there was Mum, thinking we had slowed down to make sure she was alright).

The food in two places was great, including a dotty teashop owner who was completely accomodating and made her own cakes (which were superb). She was fascinated by archaeology, and kept a keen eye on politics, so we had much to talk about! We also visited one of the castles used to film Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, with much more amusement than clearly planned. The self-operated mobile phone-like speakers one is encouraged to take around listening to at key moments fell by the wayside after we had listened to speech number two, and was brought back out for comedy moments such as, when we were on the ground floor, "Hey, mate, press twelve!" "You are now on the third floor..." or for when we were in a large room containing a board saying "Kitchen": "We do not exactly know the purpose of this narrow chamber..."

A great day all around. Everyone got back okay and Mum and I were even in plenty of time for 24 on SkyOne and to make sure I won my bids on eBay.co.uk... oh yes, I've discovered online bidding! More on what I've won later when the entire collection is back in my hands!

Take care, ladies and mentalmen! Peace out!