2008... The Final Frontier...

That's right, ladies and mentalmen. Just when you thought it was safe to switch over to another science fiction franchise...

From the director of Mission: Impossible III comes the film that explains how Captain James T. Kirk and Commander Spock first met, before their legendary voyages aboard the Starship Enterprise began.

STAR TREK XI. 2008.

Live long and prosper, madcap fans.

I Would Like To Buy A Hamburger

Mmm... hamburger...

No, I haven't turned into Homer Simpson (what do you mean, I already did years ago?), I'm just excited about watching my new DVD of The Pink Panther tomorrow! That's one more off the list then... I've got to be careful, otherwise they'll all be crossed off by Christmas and it'll be one boring start to 2007... anywho, you're probably wondering why I haven't watched it already (what do you mean, you're not?). Read on, dear friends, and I shall reveal all...

This week at work has been tough. The temperature here in (literally, not sarcastically) Sunny England reached an annoying 36 Degrees C around midweek. Now, as you all know, I don't fare well in the heat. In fact, I melt. Seriously, like a big Mr. Whippy (easy target) I just fold like a deck of cards and collapse muttering "Water... water..." This happened on Tuesday, and resulting heat stroke symptoms lead to Wednesday at home, playing PlayStation and recovering by not moving very much (I know, poor me... what do you mean, it's all I'm good at?). Back on Thursday, though, and Friday was a tiring end to the week, with added Tesco run at the end of the day. But I did get my new DVD, so I'm not moaning (much)!

And now, refreshed and dressed in semi-smart clothing (thanks to Matt, my new Gotham City Police Department S.W.A.T. shirt is getting lots of use), it's the weekend and I'm so thankful! The fantasticly fantastic Kate and Sandra are due in a few hours for some jolly nice tea and cake in the now-back-to-normal jolly nice English weather (thunder storm, heavy rain, dark skies), and Kate requires enlightening in the ways of 24: Season Three, so I wave goodbye to my DVD boxset... it's like a scene from an old black and white film: I'm on the platform, the train pulls away, the picture of Jack on the box is leaning out the window... what do you mean, I'm incredibly sad and pathetic? And then Mum and I are saving The Pink Panther for tomorrow, in case of further rain or heat causing incapacity. It all works out in the end...

Oh, I almost forgot a caption for the picture up there. Something along the lines of "New Yoga Method A Step Too Far?", perhaps? Or maybe Spiderman just isn't putting the effort into his costumes as he used to...

Peace out, ladies and mentalmen. I shall endeavour to return soon, hamburger or no hamburger.

Lists Of Lists Cause Listing

As promised, madcap Bonkers fans, here's the list of things I'm allowed to buy until this time next year. This is a self-imposed order. To give it some weight, however (to prevent me breaking it and saying "Oh well, who cares?", which I frequently do with such orders), I've signed a hard copy of the list so proof of my naughty spending habits will be on record.

I've already puchased one of the items on the list: the PlayStation2 edition of The Da Vinci Code game from the Collective and Take2, those behind such legendary games as Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb and Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. The interesting bit is that the game isn't based on the film, rather the book, and therefore it's not all Tom Hanks in virtual reality sticking to a script. There's a fresh approach with new puzzles and expanded locations. First impressions are strong. A (short) review will come later, but until then, here's a screenshot of Robert Langdon and Sophie Neveu.

While I wish I could come up with an excellent caption, the only things which come to mind at the moment are jokes about Langdon's armpit smelling and comments like "We'll never find your lost contact lense like this down here, darling..." so sorry for that.

Anyway, the list is as follows:

- Mission: Impossible III on special edition DVD

- The Da Vinci Code on special edition DVD

- The Pink Panther on special edition DVD

- LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy for PlayStation2

- X-Men III on special edition DVD

- Casino Royale 007 CD soundtrack

- Casino Royale 007 on special edition DVD

- Doctor Who: The Complete Second Season on special edition DVD

- 24: Season Five on special edition DVD

- The Complete Star Trek: The Next Generation Collection on DVD

Yeah, okay, fine... so you were expecting a shorter list. If I'm honest, I was expecting a longer one, and you all know what I'm like with money in my hands and the main entrance to a brance of HMV looming before me. This is lasting me until July 2007, people... an entire year with less than £500 blown on electrical entertainment products! Wow! You think I've gone insane, don't you? To be honest, so do I. But hey, I faced up to that years ago.

It's a joke. Laugh, damn you. Laugh!

Peace out, ladies and mentalmen.

Work? That Wasn't Part Of The Deal!

Yes, that's right... I've been literally inundated with a text message asking if it's really true... I'm afraid it is... I've got a job.

It's only for the summer, though, and therefore I only have ninteen days of physical labour left. Indeed, physical labour is involved almost the entire time I'm there, too. I'm a porter. I carry things. Heavy things. Like bricks. And towels. And mopheads. But before I start another incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no-one has a chance to interrupt me (it can be really quite hypnotic), I should address the finer points of my past two weeks.

I apologise for the break in posting, madcap Bonkers fans. I can only hope that my review of The Da Vinci Code kept you going through the silence... well, it was certainly long enough, eh? I can't make any promises, but I'm aiming for posts to now be more regular and shorter: bitesize chunks of me, easy to digest with no possible double-meaning to any of this sentence... ahem...

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, my job...

...no, it doesn't involve silly costumes, ridiculous poses and shaving my head as the above picture would suggest. I just found this on the interweb and really wanted to post it with the caption "Bless you, Captain", but now having typed that it doesn't look/sound/appear as funny as it was in my head. Do you really want to know about my job?

Anyway, I'm a porter. I start at 08:30 and finish at 15:30, with a twenty minute payed break at 11:00 for a sandwich and several sugar-based, high fat content products. I don't think I even need to induce said food-based heart attacks, but it's regulated by the European Union nonsense that determines that every single human on the planet cannot possibly do work without a health and safety force-feeding every five minutes... see, I'm adding politics into my other topics to make the website entries more concise! Cunning, very cunning...

So I should be over £1,500 better off in September. Not to mention the physical side effects of outdoors physical labour: my arms are bigger, my stomach reducing and my tan actually marginally exisiting rather than being a distant wish or an unfulfilled can of self-tanning liquid on some shop shelf somewhere in my future.

Does that make any sense to you? Nope, me neither.

Oh, and the finales of both 24: Season Five and Doctor Who were shocking, stunning and powerfully emotional experiences. They're on the list of things to purchase... more on that list later, I've signed my spending habits away!

Quite. I'm changing beyond all recognition. Scary, eh? Now, engage!

Hmm... maybe I'm not changing that much...

Peace out, madcap Bonkers fans. I shall endeavour to check back soon.

Can You Hear That...?

...the ticking clock from the dark recesses of 24...

...dutifully counting the seconds while I waste time messing around with my website profile picture and subtitle...

...ho-hum... yes...

...well, proper posting will resume at some stage soon. Peace out, madcap fans.