Bonkers Loony Conspiracy

Warning: may contain traces of a nut.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Frame Of Mind

I should be in bed...

The presentation about possible Turkish accession to the European Union was today, madcap Bonkers fans, and as always we ended up laughing too much and missing beats so that when somebody said "Turkey would benefit from CAP..." the PowerPoint behind them said "The population is mainly Muslim..."

What else could it have been, though: it was one of my presentations! Considering the road to this presentation was much longer (and hence much more rocky) than ever before, however, this time it was slightly disappointing to have it all fall apart again, no matter how last minute the edits were. Thankfully, the group that went before us were absolutely awful, so we looked pretty good and sounded a little better, despite a central argument that boiled down to "let the buggers in". A sneak peak at the scores from Jocelyn at the end (earned because I'm charming, naturally) indicate a good-to-fair percentage for this. The group seemed happy, too, but that might have been relief...

I sacrificed Wednesday with Dad at Saltburn for this. Accordingly, I'm off early in the morning to join him for the day (less work to do on a Friday than midweek, so we'll have some time)! Really looking forward to the day's holiday before I get back and start my United States of Americaland essay on Saturday. Oh, I've chosen my title: it's about how US foreign policy has changed since 9/11... very topical and up-to-date, meaning it's right up my ally (ahem)! Of course, this Jack isn't all work and no play (heavens, no!). Star Trek: Encounters is released tomorrow for PlayStation2, so in between talking about terrorists and Middle East interests I'll be blowing Xindi out of the stars and beaming away from Borg.

My frame of mind has never been more determined to relax and enjoy the weekend! Those of you lucky enough to be near a designated Bonkers agent (ie: Mumsy) will no doubt have already seen the lovely pictures of my new Christmas room here at the Castle that is New! I told you I got excited about this holiday... a 3ft tree, a garland of lights and ribbons across my bed's headboard and some flashing strip lighting sprawled over one wall completes the seasonal feel. I've taken to calling this place "the Grotto", and yes, you're all welcome to sit on my knee if you like...

Like I said, I should be in bed, so here I go. Another short entry... I should keep up with the news more so I can make topical, satirical comments, shouldn't I? Oh well. There's always next week...

Peace out, ladies and mentalmen!

Friday, November 24, 2006

All Hands To Pumps (Ahem)...

So this is it, madcap Bonkers fans. Oh, incidentally, do you like the new profile picture?

Anyway, to refocus back onto my dramatic opening... this is it. From now, 19:55 on Friday 24th November, until the end of term, there's no more PlayStation2, no more cinema (I've seen Casino Royale four times now, which should be enough), no more DVDs or late nights drinking in costume. At least, not until January's exams are over.

With deadlines rapidly approaching, Bonkers headquarters is being turned into a massive powerhouse of University work, starting with this coming Thursday's EU Turkish Membership assignment. Then it's my US Government essay of 2,000 words to finish, then my Imperial China history essay to begin alongside revision for the January exams of US Government and EU Policy. Am I looking forward to it? Hmm... as much as I love work (oh, and I do) and it should be interesting, I'm willing to confess that I'm a little apprehensive: I've got so much ground to cover in such little time. It'll be no problem and it'll all work out in the end (it always does... my life is becoming more and more like a Hollywood film, and since I'm the hero I've got to win), but getting it to work out will be tough.

Should be great fun, though. In the meantime, Christmas is approaching and present ideas are slowly forthcoming (Matt, you're in for a hillarious Christmas). Oh, and I've found a new reason for living (beyond Casino Royale as stated in last week's review): Starbuck's Coffee House White Chocolate Mocca. Heaven in a paper cup, honestly! If God existed and had a special drink, it would be this.

Signing off, ladies and mentalmen. More political chat coming soon (you seen that new Conservative-supported advertisement campaign about student debt? 'Tosser' is one of the words I would have definately used without prompting...)!

Peace out, chin up.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

You Know His Name

CASINO ROYALE Film Review
Friday 17th November, 00:34 hours
Originally entered onto www.mi6forums.co.uk

Literally been home ten minutes, enough to shout at my flatmates in high-pitched, rapid tones and turn the computer on! The large group of friends who went with me to Newcastle's Gate to see CASINO ROYALE this evening (in suits and tuxedos) has dispersed to their respective homes with massive smiles on their faces... I have to say, however, that mine is probably the biggest smile of all.

This film, and I cannot stress how much I sincerly mean this, is perfect. Every minor detail is right on the money. The reason I'm blabbing on about nonsensical details is that I'm at a loss where to start: to pick a single point about this film to discuss first seems to be an injustice to all the other points.

No, that's not true. There is one outstanding point. One aspect that makes CASINO ROYALE a cut above all the other James Bond films. He was doubted, he was belittled, he was verbally attacked, but my goodness, does Daniel Craig show his critics how wrong they were? You bet. This man can act, and I mean really act. The sarcasm usually associated with the character of 007 is present, but this time it's not cringeworthy and throwaway one-liners, and they're delivered with sheer brilliance. Some of the most enjoyable dialogue in the film is in several scenes between Bond and Vesper Lynd (Eva Green): this stuff is sharp, witty, cutting and oh-so-dry. When compared to the fun but dispensable Bond/Jinx dialogue from Die Another Day... well, you really can't compare!

And when it comes to emotion, Craig shows us another side to the character of Bond that we've never seen before. Tears came to my eyes in several scenes, including the predictably emotional conclusion when Bond is torn away from the woman he loves. Surprisingly, I found some of the most emotional scenes in the film, however, to be just Bond, looking at himself in the mirror with a heavy expression after just having killed. This man hurts, this man bleeds, this man is a man. No more unrealistic action: the freerunning we know to be possible, after all. In scenes after big action pieces, Bond has scars all over his face. We, the audience, are presented with Bond as a real man with real emotion. Rather than ruining the franchise, it is perhaps one of the best decisions the producers took (alongside casting Craig, who needs to stay on for a good many more features, as he is simply so believable).

The supporting cast is fantastic. Eva Green is totally believable, incredibly sexy and very appealing: you fall in love with her character just as Bond does. Equally distasteful is the villain, a desperate Le Chiffre, who needs to win back money belonging to terrorists before he is killed. His battle with Bond isn't all kung-fu like it would have been in previous films (GoldenEye comes to mind, but that was another decade, with the same director, so...), rather a tense, edge-of-your-seat poker game at Casino Royale in Montenegro. The truly disturbing torture scene is here too, in all it's quite graphic and horrific glory (more fantastic acting from Craig as well as Mads Mikkelsen, who plays Le Chiffre). Mathis, Felix Lieter, Solange, Dimitrios... the character list is long and each role is cast with impeccable taste. M is awesome: so glad they kept Judi Dench, and so glad her character was given much more life in this incarnation.

The technical side of CASINO ROYALE is bang on. Martin Campbell is a wonderful director I think we'll all agree, and he's got another winner with this film: the opening pre-title is suitably dark, black-and-white, filmed with a great edgy, claustrophobic feeling. Scenes in which Bond is drugged are blurred and distorted, with odd camera angles making you feel drugged too. The action is breathtaking, with the aforementioned freerunning sequence kicking things off to a flying start. There's a chase at Miami Airport that had me leaning towards the screen with a twisted shocked expression on my face. A brutal stairway fight with some Africans and a cat-and-mouse chase through Venice culminating in a sinking building sequence are also just amazingly tuned to reflect the new direction of the Bond character: quick, lethal, decisive and shocking.

The score, composed by David Arnold, is used really, really well. We are treated to hints of the Bond Theme we all know and love at moments when Bond does something... well, Bond-ish, whether it's surviving a near-death experience or winning a hand of poker (and the keys to an Aston Martin DB5). After all, this is the introduction to the Bond Universe: we see his first martini (a great running joke), his first tuxedo, his first Aston Martin, his first love, his first gunbarrel shot.

CASINO ROYALE is a welcoming, glorious invitation to the new James Bond. We have a perfect new 007 in Daniel Craig, a brilliant new tone for the series, and most of all, a kicker of a cliffhanger to lead into the next Bond film, scheduled for November 2008. This is Bond in the 21st Century. And this is what I see as my reason for living in it.

Score: TEN OUT OF TEN.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

No Armour Left

So, madcap Bonkers fans, I've got no job, no money, no work done... am I really depressed?

Nope, for one simple reason: this week is the week that Daniel Craig comes to cinemas as James Bond in Casino Royale, the 21st official 007 film from EON Productions! And I already know one key fact about the new film, and that is that the music is awesome! The soundtrack, by David Arnold, was released yesterday and is already my favourite CD in my collection! Loud and brash during the action, calm and emotional during the important scenes... it's perfect (and that's without having seen the film it goes with)! The longest track is 12 minutes - the shortest is 27 seconds!

Equally exciting is the new Aston Martin DBS which features in the film and broke the Guiness World Record of "Most Sideways Rolls" unintentionally during one of the key action scenes! If you think being in love with a car is stupid, take a look at the picture below before you judge, damn you!

Yep, isn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? Shame it gets trashed in Casino Royale, although I'll forgive Daniel Craig anything these days: he's the man who is reinventing James Bond for the 21st Century. Sure, Die Another Day was in 2002 and was great, but with things like 24 on television, and 9/11 becoming a cinematic issue, the cartoonish-Bond we're used to seeing in Moonraker etc. seems outdated and out of place.

So Thursday is Bond and drinks with me wearing a suit... much excitement! In fact, I'm so excited, I'm going to run off and watch clips online (or the fabulous trailer over and over and over and over and...)!

Peace out, ladies and mentalmen!

Friday, November 10, 2006

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

Just when things are looking up for Bonkers headquarters, with 24: Season Five on DVD to enjoy, Mission: Impossible III kicking all kinds of rear ends, Casino Royale on the horizon and the mounting excitement of Star Trek: Encounters doing just that... University work comes along and ruins it all!


Indeed! In two weeks I have a European briefing paper to present dealing with the issue of Turkish membership, with sub-deadlines this coming week! Not only that, but my sleep patterns have been all messed up thanks to last weekend, when the newly-installed internet ensured I was kept up long past my bedtime watching spoof videos on YouTube and browsing YTMND (a hillarious animation site)! So it's no surprise that I didn't feel too well yesterday, and despite the much-appreciated noble efforts of Indy to cure me with double Belgian chocolate-flavourited ice cream, I'm not feeling that great today either!

Oh well... everything'll work out fine, it always does, but why does everything good media-wise have to be happening now, in the run-up to Christmas, when I've got little money and lots of work to be doing? It's a struggle to fit it all in... now I know how Jack Bauer feels, I really do (okay, fine, he has it much tougher than me and I haven't had to shoot anybody... yet)!

At least there's good news from the US of A, where the House of Representatives now belongs to the Democrats and Donald Rumsfeld now belongs in a retirement home. It's become a safer world now: before, Dubya could do whatever he wanted, especially with His Tonyness lodged firmly up his backside. Now, with only half of Congress at his beck and call (and even they're moving away from him), we've got two years of laughable comedy President left before it's all change and (hopefully) the Democrats put someone up there worth voting for. Not that, as a British citizen, I have any bearing on the process... but it makes for good television, seeing Republicans and far-right Christians getting roundly kicked to the ground. Don't you all agree?

This is Bonkers headquarters signing off for another few days. Ironic that I've got the internet almost 24/7 now, and yet it's been a week since my last update here, isn't it? Damned YouTube... peace out, ladies and mentalmen. I shall return.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Resistence is Futile

You will be assimilated by technology.

I'm sitting in my bed, drinking tea, listening to music streaming from a website... and typing this entry! That's right, madcap Bonkers fans: the House of Death's very own stoneage resident has entered the 21st Century and has wireless broadband on his laptop!

And not a moment too soon, either, because there's lots of news for you ladies and mentalmen to catch up on! First things first, Hallowe'en: what a night! Everyone dressed up fabulously (except one or two who just dressed up, but the less said about their 'costumes' the better) and had an amazing time. Zorro was on hand to rescue those in need of rescuing, which turned out to be (almost) everyone at some stage, although Zorro himself could have done with assistance at several times, too! Now, I would post photographs, but that would ruin the entire point of me avoiding putting any identitifcationable (new word for today, just made it up) information on this website. Instead, I'm sending said photographs to key members of the madcap fanbase. Find your nearest Bonkers contact to see them!

Work is going well, although I felt sorry for one of my group members whose excellent approach to our project was torn apart by our tutor, to be replaced by a very basic plan that we thought of first and rejected as "too silly"... but needs must: after all, the tutor's doing the marking so we'll do what she said! Apart from that minor incident (and me missing Wednesday morning's lecture, for obvious reasons), I'm still enjoying my course!

Big excitement on the media front, too, as several franchises are making their presence known in the House of Death (or about to, at least)! Firstly, I've booked, purchased and have sitting on my desk five tickets to see Casino Royale on Thursday November 16th... oh yes! 24: Season 5 and Mission: Impossible III are out on DVD on Monday, too, and the following day a large art book called Star Trek: Ships of the Line is released: basically, gigantic CGI images of the highest quality showing some of the galaxy's best starships. The most extravagent and expensive picture book ever, and I can't wait! Put that alongside the novel I'm reading at the moment, Last Full Measure, dealing with the Xindi threat to Earth, and I'm surprised I've got time for my university work!

I don't have time for political comment this week, though (something had to go), but I'll return with an update on how I think His Tonyness is ruining... sorry, running... no, right the first time... the country and how we should all vote Conservative soon (some things never change)!

Peace out, ladies and mentalmen!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Jingle Bells

If all goes according to plan, madcap Bonkers fans, I shall be sending the next installment from the House of Death (now with extra death) on my wireless broadband-enabled laptop. Watch this space...