Year of Hell

Why so glum, madcap Bonkers fans? Surely today, the day in which His Tonyness announced his impending doom, would be cause for celebration? Why is 2007 the Year of Hell?

I'll tell you why, ladies and mentalmen. Because when Blair the Liar has gone, we will be left with the most awful Prime Minister: Gordon Brown. A man who thinks nothing of raising taxes, who has lied more than Blair ever could, who has displayed himself as a thug and a brute and a bully. You thought Clarke, Reid and Campbell were the worst of it? You haven't seen Brown yet. And to make matters even worse, his rise to power is completely undemocratic: he'll be "appointed" our Prime Minister by his Labour cronies... whoops, sorry, I meant peers... no, wait... cronies was correct.

We started the Year of Hell with one lousy Prime Minister. We'll end it with one even worse.

But what of His Tonyness? What will become of him in July when he fades into the darkness of "normal" life? Well, accepting an honour or peerage is out of the question: how hypocritical and ironic would Lord Tony of Blair be, eh? A man who has shown utter contempt for the House of Lords being in it...? Never. So perhaps a knighthood? No. Blair deserves a knighthood for services to the British people about as much as I deserve a knighthood for services to Thrash Metal. I seriously doubt Her Majesty would have will strong enough to keep her from swinging the sword sideways as She dubbed him Sir Tonyness. I fear Blair will simply do what his wife does: travel to Americaland and Australia and make a pension on the speech circuit. Although why anyone would pay to listen to him drone on about being a waste of space is beyond me...

Guess who Politician of the Year is for me, madcap fans? You're right: anyone but Blair. Or Brown. Or anyone involved with Labour. Or the Liberal Democrats. Or anyone else who isn't David Cameron.

Best moment of the day: George W Bush paying tribute to His Tonyness. Here's the quote: "I have found him to be a man who's kept his word which is sometimes rare in the political circles I run in." How many things, ladies and mentalmen, can you spot wrong with that sentence? I count three, you? If you don't want to know the results, look away now. A: Blair doesn't keep his word. B: "Sometimes rare", Mr. President? So it's common, then? So Blair isn't that unique after all? C: Of course you don't meet people who keep their word, Bushy. You're a Republican.

Hillarious comments from Basil Bush aside, His Tonyness used the day to leer over the so-called "achievements" he has made and try to convince everyone he'll have a worthwhile legacy to leave behind. It's funny: an NHS in ruins, an economy in massive amounts of debt, half our armed forces spread across the Middle East (with the other half suffering from all kinds of death), a corrupt government, an out-of-control civil service, an immigration problem and a nose severely browned from being lodged up Dubya's backside is hardly something I'd like engraved on my tombstone. Well, if it's good enough for you, Blair. It'll give us all a laugh in years to come when the Conservatives have straightened the decks.

For all those wishing to complain about my take on the situation, please write to: 123 Fake Street, Nowheresville (Near Reykjavic), Yemin, ABC 007. Please allow six to eight weeks for delivery. Your statutoty rights will become null and void. Must be edible.

Peace out, ladies and mentalmen. I shall return...