Happy Birthday to...?

Ah, already a birthday message required to be sent out to all my many, many readers! I'm sure they'll both be thrilled...

- Happy Birthday wishes beamed through the magic of the interweb to Jill (you know who you are)!

Here's a special picture of your favourite television star (and mine too... did you know I've got Season 2 on DVD now, and that it's absolutely ace? Well, you do now) to help you celebrate this special day:

Many happy returns to Jill everyone! Now, some advice: if it appears to contain any trace elements of alcohol, might I suggest drinking it? If it contains any trace elements of PlayStation2, might I suggest playing it? And if it contains any trace elements of anything remotely connected to either alcohol or PlayStation2... I think you get the picture!

Take care, peace out!

PS: You may have noticed by now, people, that I'm only going to refer to people by their first names. As this website can be accessed by anyone anywhere I think it's best to keep it that way. You all know who I am, too, so no need to mention that otherwise they'll be able to put the name to the words and I'll be carted off to the loony bin. Thanks.

Catchphrases

You may notice, dear friends, that I use several catchphrases in everyday chatter (and if you haven't, I really don't talk to you enough, so sorry about that). I will briefly explain what they all mean and where they all come from to enhance their meaning for you (like you care):

1: "Easy target!"
This is used whenever something is an easy target for double-meaning. For example, "Sorry, I can't make it tonight, something's come up!" will be swiftly followed by a rapid-response "Easy target!" for obvious reasons (if you don't get this joke you're too young to be reading this log... so ask your parents to explain).

2: "Just like that... ah ha ha ha!"
This homage to the late, great Tommy Cooper is perhaps my worst celebrity impression (although a repetoire consisting of Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, Sulu from Star Trek, Arnie [see below] and myself hardly means anything) and as such has become something of a comedy mainstay in Flat 19. Whenever something is described I will often comment "Just like that..." in my regular speaking voice before initiating a Cooper-esque low, grumbling chuckle, which hurts my throat and sounds like a frog being run over by a juggernaut.

3: "Talk to the hand."
This comes from the excellent film Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, when Arnold Schwarzenegger robs a store and answers to the clerk behind the desk with a monotone "Talk to the hand." Here's a picture to set the scene:

I love this moment, it really is rather hillarious, and perhaps the Governator's best moment on screen (although, let's be honest, there aren't that many to choose from). Hence the catchphrase, and if you see it typed, imagine me doing an Austrian accent.

I'm probably going to get it in the neck for forgetting a host of other little sayings that I've developed while being in Newcastle, like the rather mildly amusing "That's almost...!", which will inevitably come up later in conversation, but they're all the ones I can be bothered to remember at the moment. In fact, the main purpose of this post is to see if I can do pictures, which so far looks like I can... fingers crossed!

Keep rollin' that katamari, people! Peace out.

The Beginning... Ooh, Scary!

Well, after much time and effort (that's getting the Metro for fifteen minutes and walking to the library then) I've decided to start an online interactive diary, or "blog" as it is well known in this day and age where modern phrases and words are born every minute. While the word "blog" sounds to me like something a three-year-old would extract from his nose and subsequently consume, I've come to the conclusion that this shortened word (derived, I believe, from a combination of "web" and "log") is suitable to describe what I have created, especially in light of the three-year-old nose-picking analogy...

So, without further nonsense ramblings, ladies and mentalmen, I welcome you to Bonkers Loony Conspiracy!

Goodness knows why I've chosen to call this log Bonkers Loony Conspiracy. Maybe because it sounds funny, or maybe because I like the idea of the name being flagged up on an FBI computer somewhere and having my posts monitered by satellite just to make sure I'm not really spreading conspiracy theories... which I'm not! No, instead of that incredibly exciting promise, all I'm using this for is keeping track of my days spent here in sunny Newcastle while studying long and hard (at PlayStation2) so that anyone and everyone can drop in and read about what I've been up to anytime they want. Hopefully I'll get the time to update this daily, but if I slip a couple of days, don't come round knocking at my door with an axe. While I don't own an axe, I can think of better presents that I'd like please...

Anyway, I'll also throw in some humourous political opinion, some reviews of games and films that I've seen, plus chat about what music I'm listening to and what I think of culture and modern society in general. And that, your honour, is the case for Bonkers Loony Conspiracy.

As this is the first post in a long line of posts, I'd like to "big up" (that means "say hello") to a couple of people who I know will be reading this:
- Hi Mum, I'm on the internet!
- Dad, this is constructive, honestly, and beats playing sports!
- Bro, wazzup homie! Hip and happenin', yo yo, sorted (indeed)!
- Anyone else... *waves*

Well, that should cover it. Expect some cool-slash-funny-slash-insane-slash-geeky pictures to be hastily engineered and put up with some funny captions soon, as I've got a three hour break and not much to do in it (the joy of computers or, more specifically, Google Image Search). Oh, and could the last person out of the door turn the lights off and put all the chairs back where you found them? Not in that order, otherwise you'll make a mess... thanks!

Do take care one and all, peace out!